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God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy dwelling places of the Most High.  God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered; He raised His voice, the earth melted. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold.Come, behold the works of the Lord, Who has wrought desolations in the earth. He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two; He burns the chariots with fire. Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. -Psalms 46

I got a text Wednesday night that a friend had a stroke and was life flighted to the hospital in the Springs. I immediately changed out of my PJs and headed down to see him and his family. I got to see Jimmy in the ER and he was awake, looking around and acknowledged me being there. I got to hold his hand and tell him that I was praying for him and loved him. His wife was in great spirits, just thankful that her husband was being taken care of.

I met Jimmy on a mission trip to Moore, Oklahoma to help tornado victims back in 2013. Jimmy worked tirelessly, did whatever anyone asked, and we had great conversations in the evenings. Jimmy is one of the first people I met coming to Colorado and he set the bar for everyone else. Although he was dealing with employment issues (like me), and whatever else, I never saw him without a smile, without an encouraging word to me.

That night, after I saw Jimmy, his brain started swelling due to the stroke. The next day, the doctors informed the family that they would have to go to surgery to try and stop the swelling. This morning, the email said that the swelling had put Jimmy into a coma that he would not wake up from.

Life if so precious. It is elusive, like a puff of smoke, just waiting for a wind strong enough to whisk it away. I will miss Jimmy’s smile and his friendship, but I am happy for him. To be absent of the body is to be with Christ. I know without a doubt that my friend will be at Jesus’ feet and I  will see  him again one day.

I am reminded every day that God’s plan IS the best plan. We have plans, we have ideas about what we  want or where we are going, but they are subjective to God’s plans (with or without our cooperation). God is NOT a chess player as some might think, moving us like chess pieces around the board of life; He is a Father, who allows us to grow and make mistakes, always nudging us closer to the truth in order to live a fulfilled life. Does He allow suffering, poverty, and death? Not in a malevolent way as many think. The greatest gift God gave man is also man’s greatest downfall: free will. We are intelligent, we are invincible,  our species is the “Clint Eastwood” of the universe. And yet, there is a soft spot in our spirit, a need that never gets met, an itch that eludes any satisfying scratch. This is our innate, fully designed need for our Creator, just as a child needs its parents.

To reign in all the emotions that are scattered all over this blog, I will say this: Life is precious, Eternal Life is priceless. To fully enjoy the first, you HAVE to address the latter. I immediately thought of my children, my brothers, my sisters, and most of all, my wife. I will miss them when I leave this earth, but that emotion is paled by the excitement of being in the presence of my Creator and knowing that when my family sees me again, I will be FULLY ALIVE!

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that He sent His only son, so that none shall perish, but have eternal life.”

Trying to wrap my head around Chapter 4 in 1 Peter, It’s summed up in the last verse:

19 ” Therefore, those also who suffer according to the will of God shall entrust their souls to a faithful Creator in doing what is right.”

It makes sense! No healthy person wants to suffer, and to hear someone say they are willing to suffer for Christ, or are going through things and giving God glory and thanking Him for it is just weird – until you truly get it. I’ve tweaked my own personal definition of discipleship down to this: “Abandoning one’s self, for the sake of another.” If you are willing to abandon your Self (your desires, your comfort, your safe areas) for Christ, you will put yourself in harm’s way without hesitation, all for the sake of Christ. Not because its the cavalier thing to do, but because you hold to the blind knowledge (Faith) that Christ is going to bring you through ANYTHING and EVERYTHING for His glory and edification. The question is, Are you willing to abandon your self?

In John 21:15 – 17, Jesus asks Peter three times, “Do you love me?” and twice Peter answered “You know I love you” and the third time he answered “You know ALL things…” Peter’s word for love (Phileo) was not the same as Jesus’ word for love (Agape). I truly believe that Jesus was asking Peter, “Are you willing to abandon your self for me?” and Peter answered twice, “Lord, you know I like you, but…”.  To be a true disciple of Christ is to abandon your self- love Him with wreckless abandon. When you love like this, you WILL put yourself in harm’s way. You WILL suffer for Christ, but with the intimate knowledge that no matter what happens, your soul is safe, and kept by the Father’s love. Does that mean you’re weird? No. It means that you trust in God’s infinite wisdom and unfailing love!

So for the past 3 months, Robin has been going to chemotherapy every other week. We figured out the cycle of “chemo” life and the week after chemo is crap. It’s major fatigue, major mouth sores, major stomach being tied up in a huge knot and teetering on the brink of nausea. That stuff is bad enough, but  it is also the catalyst for impatience, anger, and depression. Watching someone you love suffer tends to put a huge damper on your patience. It also inspires a feeling of helplessness. This isn’t like the flu, or a cold, where you feel miserable for a few days, but then recover. This is the reality that you are going to feel like crap for the next year or more, guaranteed.  Our son (he’s 7) was riding to the store with Robin yesterday and he was excited about getting something from the store (usually a small Lego Star Wars kit). He took his mom’s hand and said, “Mom, I don’t want any toys for Christmas this year, I just want you to be alive.”  Robin and I were talking the other day and she started crying because she noticed her right arm is very similar to her left and she’s worried that the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes on her other side now. I haven’t been sleeping well at all (2 to 3 hours a night)  because this  all weighs heavy on my heart. People ask all the time, “How are you doing” and the typical response is “we’re good!”.  Honestly, I don’t tell them the truth because I don’t want to lose it and start sobbing right there in front of them. This is where we are at; this is where I’M at.

I was talking to a friend this morning and likened it to being in a sailboat on the ocean in a dead calm. I  KNOW the wind is there, but it seems it’s just not blowing right now and I’m just floating. I’m ready for the wind to blow again. Then my friend says, “But Andrew, you’re floating!”. He’s right (God) I’m not sinking; WE’RE not sinking. This is the time to prepare FOR the wind to come. Thank you Lord for your Love, your Life. Bring on the wind!!

” ⁹ And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ¹⁰ Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10